English text variants MOTD


Calls `fortune` and prints it as is, in Jive and Valspeak.


Tools — Small utilities, gadgets & scripts to perform daily tasks.

English text

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snapped, while on the third Mr. Samuels just hung there peacefully until he and everyone else got bored. Since he had proved unsusceptible to capital punishment, he was reprieved. The most important British executioner was Mr. James Berry who tried three times in 1885 to hang Mr. John Lee at Exeter Jail, but on each occasion failed to get the trap door open. In recognition of this achievement, the Home Secretary commuted Lee's sentence to "life" imprisonment. He was released in 1917, emigrated to America and lived until 1933. -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"

English variant — jive

De Least Successful Execushuns 'Sup, dudesto'y gots'ta furnished us wid two 'esecushuners wo'dy uh attenshun. De fust puh'fo'med in Sydney in Australia. Sheeeiit. In 1803 dree attempts wuz made t'hang some Mr. Ah be baaad... Joseph Samuels. On de fust two uh dese da damn rope snapped, while on de dird Mr. Ah be baaad... Samuels plum hung dere peacefully until he and everyone else gots bo'ed. Since he had proved unsusceptible t'capital punishment, he wuz reprieved. De most impo'tant British 'esecushuna' wuz Mr. Ah be baaad... James Berry who tried dree times in 1885 t'hang Mr. Ah be baaad... Raz'tus Lee at Exeta' Jail, but on each occasion failed t'get da damn trap doo' open. 'S coo', bro. In recognishun uh dis achievement, de Home Secretary commuted Lee's sentence t'"life" imprisonment. He wuz released in 1917, emigrated to America and lived until 1933. -- Stephen Pile, "De Book uh Heroic Failures"

English variant — valspeak

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On thuh first two of these thuh rope snapped, mostly, while on thuh third Mr. Samuels just hung there peacefully until he and everyone else got dragd. Since he had proved unsusceptible to capital punishment, oh, baby, he was like wow! reprieved. The most important British executioner was Mr. James Berry who tried three times in 1885 to hang Mr. John Lee at Exeter Jail, man, but on each occasion failed to get thuh trap door open. In recognition of this achievement, like, the Home Secretary commuted Lee's sentence to "life" imprisonment. That dude was released in 1917, like, emigrated to America and lived until 1933. -- Stephen Pile, oh, baby, "The Book of Heroic Failures"